ALONE

By Josephine

Over ten years ago, I left a narcissistic, controlling 'husband' who was and is still to this day part of a cult. Yes a cult, they do exist! He is in the very cult started by his mother and a priest. Everything goes on in there, from sexual assault, having no rights, 'exorcisms', 'counselling', giving your money away, etc. We did not live there, therefore considered 'external members'. We still had to dress a specific way, colour, and be obedient. My two daughters got sexually assaulted and felt up at the age of 10 and 12. My ex-husband defended the guy who did it in court. My older kids got brainwashed by them. It was a family affair, the father, the grandmother, the aunt, the 'friends' in the cult. When I was disobedient to my husband, he and the cult would take my older children and keep them at the cult. I was not allowed to see the nor talk to them.

A mother's Achille's heel are her children. I waited till it was safe and that I had all my children with me. I called various women's helplines, which , at the time did not help until one night in particular, the day before Christmas. I had lost over 20 lbs that month, was barely eating and was lucky to get 2-4 hours of sleep. I call the helpline again....I just knew something really really bad was going to happen to my children and something had to be done.

Well, we ended up in a shelter for abused women, thanks to two constables and the social workers at the shelter. I quickly leaned that the Children's Aid Society does not necessarily help children. They often side with abusers. They don't like working with social workers in women's shelters. Abused women are often treated like the bad guys by the child protection services. You quickly learn that you are alone, even in the justice system. The only ones who are really there, are the social workers in women's shelters and it's only for a few months, then you're on your own, alone with your children.

I was raised in domestic violence. My father would beat us and my mother. My ex-husband did the same and rape....The emotional and verbal abuse is far worse than rape and being beaten. Then, you get therapy and a lot of us end up getting PTSD from all the trauma we witnessed and experienced. Again there, you are ALONE. People wash their hands of you, pretend you don't exist and look the other way. It's neigbors, so called friends, family, relatives. I have learned, that doing the right thing by leaving, getting help, that there is a price to pay: being alone, being abandoned and rejected by those closest to us.

Too many women, mothers, daughters, sisters are going through the same hell. We are alone, and have no one. There is barely no education on this, outreach, no help group, support. It is not even acknowledged! I know I am not the only one. I am tired, so tired of being alone, for saving my kids' life, my life, starting over getting help and doing the right thing. We are like the plague. Please, I would like to know that I am not the only one, alone struggling to survive in the cold, cruel and unfeeling world.