I Felt Like I’d Lost Everything

By Maggie

I was in my early 40s and my 17 year marriage had ended 3 years before, when a young handsome man chatted me up in a pub one evening. I was flattered and he pursued me and tried hard to win my affection. Early on he said he loved me, I was his soul mate, and he planned our future together. He said he'd never found someone who he had so much in common with, who shared the same interests. He told me about his bitter ex-girlfriends who would not let him see his 4 children. I believed his lies. I fell in love with him and within a few months I had moved to his home town with my 3 children and we rented a house together. He fairly soon began verbally abusing my 2 teenagers and hit one of them. I should have ended it there but I loved him and wanted everyone to get along. By the end of the first year he was verbally and emotionally abusing me. He isolated me, checked my phone and emails, deleted male contacts, wrote a disgusting reply to a male friend who'd sent me a Christmas message. I was belittled, told how to behave and speak, controlled. He asked me for money and expected me to pay for everything because I had a higher income and he said I was greedy if I didn't.

Two years into the relationship the physical abuse started. One of his sons had come to live with us and while we were teaching him to ride his bike he collided with me. My partner ran over, pushed me to the ground and kicked me in front of the children. Later I tried to make up with him and he punched me in the face so hard I was knocked backwards onto concrete and almost lost consciousness. My face was so bruised I was unable to work for 2 weeks. A few weeks later he threw his dirty socks at me, I threw them back, so he pushed me to the floor, pinned me down by sitting on me and punched me repeatedly to the face and head, also in front of his son and my youngest child. Other incidents over the next 2 years included running into me with the car, reversing over me with the car, pushing me off a moving motorcycle fracturing my foot, pushing me over in the street, breaking plates over my head, holding me against a wall with his hand around my throat. He also smashed windows, kicked holes in walls, and broke a door in the house he had persuaded me to buy for "us". One by one my children fled to live with their father. His son returned to his mother. I was alone and I felt I'd lost everything. I became depressed and anxious and had counselling and took antidepressants without his knowledge because I knew he'd object. After 4 years I was unable to work due to depression and I quit my job. He didn't care and he still didn't contribute financially to the household. One day he started swearing and yelling at me for a simple misunderstanding and I'd finally had enough. I told him to leave. I'd done this many times before but always let him come back or even asked him to come back, but this time was different and I told him so. He smashed up the kitchen before he left. 10 days later he walked back in and thought he could pick up where he'd left off. I again told him to leave which he did. He then bombarded me with phone calls and texts to which I didn't reply. He took my dog and texted me the dog was dead. Fortunately I found the dog unharmed in a paddock up the street. I went to the police at midnight and was advised to return in the morning to take out an intervention order. At 4:30 am I was awoken by the front door closing and the dog barking. My ex-partner came down the hallway with a large metal torch and hit me on the head, knocking me onto the bed. He said he'd keep hitting me until I told him where I'd been that night. He hit me several more times on the head, face and chest. I grabbed my mobile phone to call the police but he pulled it from my hand and smashed it. He threatened to cut my throat and burn my house down. I was in fear of my life. He had sex with me against my will. Then he said he wanted to get back together and we should go away together and start a new life. I said I would because I wanted to stay alive. In the morning he went to work expecting me to wait for his return. I went to the police and he was charged and eventually convicted of assault. Because of plea bargaining most of the charges were dropped, I was not allowed to read a victim impact statement, and he only got a small fine and anger management. I felt is that all my life is worth? That was 6 years ago and it took me some time to get my life back on track, re-establish myself in a different area, re-unite with my family, and re-build my career. I am now supporting other women with similar experiences, including a subsequent partner of his who he has also been convicted of assaulting. I am very wary now and I have as yet been unable to trust another man enough to have a relationship, Maybe that will change with time, maybe it won't.