Take care of yourself and run: A survivor's story

By mynameiseve

It has been ten years since the day…. Since THAT day. The day that changed my life forever.

I call it ‘the before and after day’, ‘the liberation day’, ‘the day I almost died’, ‘the day he almost killed me’ or should I say ‘he almost murdered me’.

It hurts to write about it, it hurts to remember. But there are self-care tips on the website and I am strong. I am a survivor. I HAVE SURVIVED.

Sure, there were wonderful friends to support me. A wonderful supportive new partner. And therapy. A wonderful trauma therapist, who made a big difference. Now I can watch TV and movies without a panic attack when someone (usually a man) tries to strangle someone (often a woman, but it does not make much difference, really, could be a man).

So, my story in a few hundred words. A relationship that lasted almost 10 years. Good and bad days, but then: enter alcohol. He drinks, his drinking is out of control. I cannot cope. I start going through his things as soon as I start suspecting he had a drink (and his breath and behaviour give him away) and I always find a bottle stashed somewhere (my favourite was a drink in a coca-cola bottle!). I know when he is drunk. Begging for a change, trying to understand (well, he was abused, severely abused as a child, so I should UNDERSTAND and SUPPORT).

And then strange behaviours start. VIOLENCE. Hitting me in the face. Putting an ice-cream in my face. What a moment that was…. But then there were good moments. And of course, I SHOULD understand, he was a VICTIM himself. And my fear of being alone. A single woman again. And nowhere to go.

And then praying for it all to stop. I can be alone. Just, God, make him go.

And ‘the liberation day’ came. Alcohol, of course. And another woman (I am sure). And the evening that changed my life and me forever. Strangling. Running out of the house. A friend who saved me. People who helped me.

And years of rebuilding my life. As a SURVIVOR. Sleep problems. Weight loss (but that was good, I guess). Flashbacks. Panic attacks. Nightmares (after ten years I still have nightmares).

And becoming so sensitive about others who have also been ‘through tough times’. Those who have seen death. And who have seen people ready to kill, ready to harm. There is something in the eyes.

Now I know there are bad people out there. I know, they may be victims themselves (he became his father after all). I do not care, first of all I have to protect myself. And trust my instincts.

I like the word ‘survivor’. I have survived. But I also like to say a ’victim’ and a ‘perpetrator’. Political correctness aside, he tried to kill me. He has perpetrated violence and I was his victim.

Take away message: run, girl (or boy), run!!!!!!!! Take care of yourself (and the kids, if there are any). If the abusive partner has not changed yet, he/she will not change.

Take care of yourself. Go to the police, the court. They have been very helpful and supportive in my case.

And there are supportive friends and family members.

Take care and run.